I hate days like today… It feels like despair has stopped by for a chat and drained me of all creativity. A pall hangs over me and I begin to wonder whether I will ever be happy with my work? I awoke later than normal and with an irritating headache. Just couldn’t get my head around the work before me and instead read through my notes. I couldn’t escape the hollow feelings inside that walked hand in hand with my thorny guilt. Guilt that sings aloud of my lack of writing. Still it haunts me as I write this.
On days like today I usually try to turn my attention away from my book (although I have on occasion been blessed with enormous insight) so that I do not become overly critical. My greatest fault is my desire for perfection. So today I attempted to exorcise my spirit of misery by exorcising the dust that had gathered in my apartment over the past week. In part, it has worked. My anguish has lessened to the degree that I can see a tomorrow once again, but I know that despair will not move on and take away this pounding in my head until Monday morning arrives when it will depart in search of nervous children dreading their first day back at school.
I am glad that I have decided to use this space to record my thoughts as I finish my work. For good or bad, the words that I string out into sentences all have a purpose. It is interesting to note that in the word ‘despair’ one can also create the word ‘aspired’. Tomorrow is but hours away…
